3 Types of Drunken Girls

You all know that situation, town on a Saturday night, twelve tequila's later and you're spewing up all over yourself in the Takeaway, whilst you're waiting for your baked bean pizza or Kebab. You're mates in the corner ballin' her fucking eyes out over an ex she broke up with in fucking primary school and you're other mate is chuckling about a shit joke someone told her last weekend whilst flashing her stubbly fanny about like it's a puppy dog. Every girl falls into a certain drunken category and like it or not, you are just like everyone else when drunk.

The Messy Drunk  

This is the girl who slurs her words to the point that "Can I have a vodka?" sounds more like "shlan shli shlave sla slodka." and is practically unrecognisable to any bar staff. They hand you a water and you walk off thinking you bagged this Vodka for free cause you're a hot piece of ass, think again. It's 1 O'clock and this friend is already puking up in the toilets, tactical or not, it still counts as a vomit. Also these girls can get quite aggressive, stay clear. 

The Soppy Drunk 

Start off the night by proclaiming love for anyone and everyone in their sight "I do love you, ya know!" and progressively as the night goes on...so do they, and on and on and on. Until you're mates eventually blank you out completely and you've started being answered back by non communicative nods. They usually end their night crying their little eyes out about someone who one time didn't respond to their text 5 years ago because they were meant to be. LIBERTY. 

The Slaggy Drunk 

Usually these girls begin just being funny and happy and having the "greatest night ever" and as the evening closes in you'll discover this girl on the dance floor dancing her heart out until she needs another shot of some shit or other. Eventually they'll be necking on with as many people as possible and looking for someone else other than their own bedroom to wake up, usually someone in a low cut V-neck T-shite! 

In the future if you're going out sober (first, why you going out sober, freak) but just ignore the absolute messes you call your mates. Give 'em a satisfactory nod and let them get on wi' it. Phrases like "you're too good for his ass babe" and "it'll be ok in the morning" come in useful. 

Truth B Told 

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