Dealing with Black Friday?

If you loved being shoved, stepped on, and crushed all for £2.00 off at your local supermarket then Black Friday sounds like the day for you! 

Watching the news on Friday reminded me off something of the Walking Dead, when all them people start killing each other and looting, like, men, fully grown adult men, literally trampling on a lady in a supermarket isn't really what Black Friday's concept was about. I don't know if it's just me but I'd rather pay full price for something than have a 40 year old woman call me a slag and steal it out of me hands for 20% off. Not my idea of a nice day out! 

It was like chivalry and basic human conduct just fell out the window and suddenly cause some TV's had been reduced it was completely acceptable to act like animals. In Asda on a regular basis you wouldn't take something out of someone's bare hands but because of the Black Friday tag, it was deemed OK to just, snatch, like nah, leave it out. 

Next year I reckon staying indoors and catching up on Orange is the New Black will be a more productive way to spend you Friday afternoon or better yet, WORK! Why the fuck weren't all these people at work! 

10 Times it is perfectly acceptable to lie to your boyfriend

Lying to your boyfriend isn't something you should do if you necked on with his best mate last night or if you hate that horrible beard he's grown over the past few months. In those situations truth is always the best option, or you could be subtle and just buy him a beard trimmer. However, sometimes a little white lie won't harm him especially if he asks if you really like his mum as much as you say you do.

1) Do you really like my mum ? 

"YES! I love her!" is the correct and only response to this. He loves his mum just as much and if not more than he loves you so just get him on side and sing her praises. So she secretly hates you for stealing her baby boy away from her, you plaster that smile on your overly happy face and tell him what he wants to hear. If you don't ? Well just start thinking of usernames for your on-line dating profile. 

2) Do I look fat in this?

There are many variations of this

- do I look extra muscley?

- Can you tell I ate that extra sausage butty? 

- Do you reckon I'm carrying some Christmas weight?

But, believe it or not, all men have the same hangups as you and all they want to here is "no, you look great". Yeah, you can probably see that beer belly through his overly tight jumper but he doesn't need to know. Would you like it? I can answer for the entire female race here and say, no you fucking wouldn't. 

3) Am I the Biggest? 

This is an awkward one for all involved...just say yes! There is no other way around it, you say no, he dumps you. You hesitate, he dumps you. YES YES YES YES YES...and the best. Give his ego a little boost while you're at it. 

4) Do you mind if I go out with the lads tonight?

Sometimes you can get away with saying "fuck right off, you're staying in with me" but most times you have to just succumb and give him his time with the lads. Yeah so your paranoid he's going out to pull every other girl out that night, even though you know they're probably trampy slags with shit hair. You have to hold you breathe and pretend you're completely cool just like he thinks you are. Then when he's out you can stalk his Facebook for new friend requests, he doesn't need to know. 

5) Are you nearly ready? 

You've just got out the shower, your hair is a mess and you haven't even cracked open the fake tan yet, not to mention you're reservation is in 30 minutes and then he pipes up from downstairs. "Are you nearly ready?". Don't tell him you've got your hair, make-up, tan and other bits still to do. Just respond with one word...NEARLY! any other response and it will only end up with a screaming match where he informs you that "you do this every time"! 

6) Do you like it then? 

He's just handed you you're birthday presents and one of them is a horrendous T-Shirt from Sport's Direct that he says "I thought of you when I saw it". Keep his pride and ego fully intact here, you love the other presents and you can wear the t-shirt in the privacy of you're own home. You start demanding a new present or that he exchanges it and you become high maintenance. He then thinks the other presents suck to and he'll spend the rest of your birthdays and Christmas's playing it completely safe with PJ's and Socks. Not ideal.

7) Do you know my Ex? 

"Yeah, I  stalked her on Facebook since the first day I found out about her!" Please, Do you want to come across as a complete Physco! Yeah it is a talent that we as females possess, we manage to discover every bit of information about your previous relationship based solely on your social media accounts but just keep that on the DL, hush hush. 

8) Was I In your sex dream? 

Of course, it was you! You can have him any time you want so logically all your dreams contain him right?  "I promise Leo DiCaprio wasn't there, who even is he?" Besides, would you want to know if he had a kinky sex dream containing your best mate and you where no where to be seen? NAH. 

9) How much did you spend on that!? 

A Beaut pair of Kurt's were calling your name from across the shopping centre, unfortunately they're full price with 3 figures in tact but you just can't imagine your life without them in it, or you in them! You know he'll scowl and pout when you mention you blew half of this month spends on 1 pair of shoes and you stick with the simple rule of 'what he doesn't know won't hurt 'em'. Just tell him they where on sale, half price and a complete bargain, he can't be mad at that and if he his, wear them with you're new underwear...he won't be complaining. After all, it's your money. 

10) How was that for you ? 

meh, is not an acceptable answer unless you want to watch Bridget Jones alone, eating chocolate by the bar and crying with you dog and mam. Just tell him that he rocked your world and take yourself off to the loo. 

Some things you just have to keep zipped about, unless you want to spend you life collecting cats and listening to "your song" alone on a Saturday night. 

Truth B Told 

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Restaurant Review - The Cube

Wearing my new 6-inch heels and my glitzy dress I stumbled into the Marco Pierre White Restaurant sticking out like a sore fucking thumb. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was dressed very smart and not at all slutty, I mean come on, show some skin ladies. Despite me dressed to the nines the waitress was like a breath of fresh air, she showed us the view and being located at the top of one of the tallest buildings in Birmingham, the view was insane. The whole restaurant is glass the entire way around so you get a 360 view wherever you sit, it's an extra fiver to sit next to the window like. 

Anywho, the waitress was lovely and I had the salmon and my boyfriend had one of Marco's famous burgers. The salmon was done to perfection I'll give old Marco that and my boyfriend didn't shut up about his fucking burger for days, cheers for that. We shared a bottle of wine then I chose an Eton Mess, my only choice when it comes to dessert and he chose a fudge cake I believe, but it was his birthday so they put a little extra special writing on and gave it us for free! Lovely Jubbly! 

Overall Marco did us proud, the whole restaurant and the entire staff just had a little something extra. I'd give the place a 9/10 it would of been a 10 but that snotty bitch sat in the corner in her unflattering pant suit, giving me daggers across the room sort of ruined the experience. Slag. 

3 Types of Drunken Girls

You all know that situation, town on a Saturday night, twelve tequila's later and you're spewing up all over yourself in the Takeaway, whilst you're waiting for your baked bean pizza or Kebab. You're mates in the corner ballin' her fucking eyes out over an ex she broke up with in fucking primary school and you're other mate is chuckling about a shit joke someone told her last weekend whilst flashing her stubbly fanny about like it's a puppy dog. Every girl falls into a certain drunken category and like it or not, you are just like everyone else when drunk.

The Messy Drunk  

This is the girl who slurs her words to the point that "Can I have a vodka?" sounds more like "shlan shli shlave sla slodka." and is practically unrecognisable to any bar staff. They hand you a water and you walk off thinking you bagged this Vodka for free cause you're a hot piece of ass, think again. It's 1 O'clock and this friend is already puking up in the toilets, tactical or not, it still counts as a vomit. Also these girls can get quite aggressive, stay clear. 

The Soppy Drunk 

Start off the night by proclaiming love for anyone and everyone in their sight "I do love you, ya know!" and progressively as the night goes on...so do they, and on and on and on. Until you're mates eventually blank you out completely and you've started being answered back by non communicative nods. They usually end their night crying their little eyes out about someone who one time didn't respond to their text 5 years ago because they were meant to be. LIBERTY. 

The Slaggy Drunk 

Usually these girls begin just being funny and happy and having the "greatest night ever" and as the evening closes in you'll discover this girl on the dance floor dancing her heart out until she needs another shot of some shit or other. Eventually they'll be necking on with as many people as possible and looking for someone else other than their own bedroom to wake up, usually someone in a low cut V-neck T-shite! 

In the future if you're going out sober (first, why you going out sober, freak) but just ignore the absolute messes you call your mates. Give 'em a satisfactory nod and let them get on wi' it. Phrases like "you're too good for his ass babe" and "it'll be ok in the morning" come in useful. 

Truth B Told 

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Recipe - Gingerbread Men

This time of year is all about staying in with a bottle (or two) or wine, fire on and feet up. I find I bake a lot at this time of year and what better thing to bake then Gingerbread Men. 

• 350g/12oz plain flour, plus extra for rolling out
• 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
• 3 1/2 tsp ground ginger
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tsp Nutmeg
• 125g/4½oz butter
• 175g/6oz light soft brown sugar
• 1 free-range egg
• 4 tbsp golden syrup
• 

  
  
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Preheat the oven to 180C and line two baking trays with greaseproof paper.

First things first you sift together all of the flour, the bicarbonate of soda, ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg and then mix it all together so it's nice and blended. You'll only need to use a wooden spoon for the mixing and make sure you sift well to make sure there is not lumps and bumps. 

Then once your happy with the mixing add in the butter, this might take a bit longer than the first step, but get stuck right in and use your hands (after washing them of course). It should look and feel like breadcrumbs when your done and then sift in the sugar. 

In a seperate bowl beat the egg lightly using a fork or small whisk and add the golden syrup. Mix it all together in one big bowl until it's all in one big clump. Pop to dough onto a bread board or cutting board and knead until smooth. Wrap up in some cling film and put in the fridge for 15 minutes to chill. 

Once chilled roll the dough out, put extra flour on the chopping board to stop it from sticking and roll into a circle. About half a CM thick. Cut your gingerbread man out using shaped cutter and place on the baking tray 

Bake for 12-14 minutes unill golden brown. Leave to cool and decorate accordingly. 

 Now in all honesty, my Gingerbread men tasted top notch HOWEVER my art and decorated skills mimic that of a 3 year old so you can imagine the state they looked once I took an icing pen to them...Think Father Christmas crossed with Bob Marley with a bit of slut thrown in there and yes, I might of added one or two "bits" that could be conceived as rather, lets say phallic. So, not exactly suitable for here but they where delicious. 

3 Must Visit Places This Christmas

What a better way to spend your Christmas month that spending all your well earned wages on your sisters, boyfriends, younger brother you met that one time, and not to forget the other collection of people who you feel completely obliged to buy for. You then have to plaster on a half hearted smile onto your face as you open up present after present of things you would politely walk past in the shops. You may as well spend a little bit of your hard earned cash on yourself, after all it is the season of giving and who better to give to than yourself. Little get-away's are the perfect thing to do at this time of year to get you in the spirit, no matter you're pay packet there is always somewhere for you to wander off too. 

SAVE

English Christmas Markets

Whether Manchester Christmas Markets or London Winter Wonderland, either of these are very easily accessible via train. The Manchester Markets are huge and just a short walking distance from the train station, they are located in different main spots in Manchester all just a short walk away from each other. Hundreds of stalls with everything from Candles and Bonsai Trees to Sweets and German Sausages. As well as lots of little stop off's for them all important tipple breaks, mulled wine and cider are a perfect drink to warm you up. The London markets are identical but are bit more pricey for trains and underground passes. You can still drink and eat and stroll around looking at the adorable home-made products on each stall and Winter Wonderland has the extra bonus of rides and plenty more seating as well. The advantage of these two is that once you're there you don't have to spend anything in essence and just take in everything around you. 

SPEND

European Markets 

Amsterdam, Germany and Prague. All great Christmas breaks to take yourself, family or partner. Flights can average out for just under £100 each if you find a good deal, some include hotels so make sure you search around first before settling on the best deal. If you're a bit wary of funds their is always hostels to stay at for less that £20 a night at this time of year and some include breakfast as well. There are also places a bit more up market for those who fancy splurging a bit on a 5* Hotel. Booking.com offer amazing deals and can offer up to 80% off some great hotels. The markets are second to non and the atmosphere is on point, make sure to pack warm clothes though, I'm talking hat, scarf and gloves, who shabang. 

SPLURGE

New York 

You have been saving all year for this and with flights at £400 per person I can see why. Hotels do not come cheap either and there isn't many other options, there are Hostels but they can average out at a similar price with hotel deals included and forget about B&B's unless you want to pay the rest in taxi's to and from the centre. However saying all that, you cannot beat New York at Christmas. The largest Christmas Tree, The carollers and the decorations everywhere, Americans are friendly the best of times but this time of year sets them off. You can always hear a Christmas song playing and the shopping is out of this world. If I had the money I know where I would be spending my Chrissy break anyway. 

Whether your a saver or a splurger there is something or somewhere for everyone to get into the festivities. Don't be a Grinch and treat yourself this year. 

Truth B Told 

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