Lying to your boyfriend isn't something you should do if you necked on with his best mate last night or if you hate that horrible beard he's grown over the past few months. In those situations truth is always the best option, or you could be subtle and just buy him a beard trimmer. However, sometimes a little white lie won't harm him especially if he asks if you really like his mum as much as you say you do.
1) Do you really like my mum ?
"YES! I love her!" is the correct and only response to this. He loves his mum just as much and if not more than he loves you so just get him on side and sing her praises. So she secretly hates you for stealing her baby boy away from her, you plaster that smile on your overly happy face and tell him what he wants to hear. If you don't ? Well just start thinking of usernames for your on-line dating profile.
2) Do I look fat in this?
There are many variations of this
- do I look extra muscley?
- Can you tell I ate that extra sausage butty?
- Do you reckon I'm carrying some Christmas weight?
But, believe it or not, all men have the same hangups as you and all they want to here is "no, you look great". Yeah, you can probably see that beer belly through his overly tight jumper but he doesn't need to know. Would you like it? I can answer for the entire female race here and say, no you fucking wouldn't.
3) Am I the Biggest?
This is an awkward one for all involved...just say yes! There is no other way around it, you say no, he dumps you. You hesitate, he dumps you. YES YES YES YES YES...and the best. Give his ego a little boost while you're at it.
4) Do you mind if I go out with the lads tonight?
Sometimes you can get away with saying "fuck right off, you're staying in with me" but most times you have to just succumb and give him his time with the lads. Yeah so your paranoid he's going out to pull every other girl out that night, even though you know they're probably trampy slags with shit hair. You have to hold you breathe and pretend you're completely cool just like he thinks you are. Then when he's out you can stalk his Facebook for new friend requests, he doesn't need to know.
5) Are you nearly ready?
You've just got out the shower, your hair is a mess and you haven't even cracked open the fake tan yet, not to mention you're reservation is in 30 minutes and then he pipes up from downstairs. "Are you nearly ready?". Don't tell him you've got your hair, make-up, tan and other bits still to do. Just respond with one word...NEARLY! any other response and it will only end up with a screaming match where he informs you that "you do this every time"!
6) Do you like it then?
He's just handed you you're birthday presents and one of them is a horrendous T-Shirt from Sport's Direct that he says "I thought of you when I saw it". Keep his pride and ego fully intact here, you love the other presents and you can wear the t-shirt in the privacy of you're own home. You start demanding a new present or that he exchanges it and you become high maintenance. He then thinks the other presents suck to and he'll spend the rest of your birthdays and Christmas's playing it completely safe with PJ's and Socks. Not ideal.
7) Do you know my Ex?
"Yeah, I stalked her on Facebook since the first day I found out about her!" Please, Do you want to come across as a complete Physco! Yeah it is a talent that we as females possess, we manage to discover every bit of information about your previous relationship based solely on your social media accounts but just keep that on the DL, hush hush.
8) Was I In your sex dream?
Of course, it was you! You can have him any time you want so logically all your dreams contain him right? "I promise Leo DiCaprio wasn't there, who even is he?" Besides, would you want to know if he had a kinky sex dream containing your best mate and you where no where to be seen? NAH.
9) How much did you spend on that!?
A Beaut pair of Kurt's were calling your name from across the shopping centre, unfortunately they're full price with 3 figures in tact but you just can't imagine your life without them in it, or you in them! You know he'll scowl and pout when you mention you blew half of this month spends on 1 pair of shoes and you stick with the simple rule of 'what he doesn't know won't hurt 'em'. Just tell him they where on sale, half price and a complete bargain, he can't be mad at that and if he his, wear them with you're new underwear...he won't be complaining. After all, it's your money.
10) How was that for you ?
meh, is not an acceptable answer unless you want to watch Bridget Jones alone, eating chocolate by the bar and crying with you dog and mam. Just tell him that he rocked your world and take yourself off to the loo.
Some things you just have to keep zipped about, unless you want to spend you life collecting cats and listening to "your song" alone on a Saturday night.
Truth B Told
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